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Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
A Secret Women Know That Men dont
A Secret Women Know That Men dont
I'd like to tell you a story... It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her. But there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage. There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue. But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him. After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt. He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...". This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long- term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt? He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings. And then the unthinkable happened. She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... ...but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. THE END OK, I'm back. Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heart warming, huh? I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels... Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a MYTH. And I'm not talking about FICTION here. I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it. And why does this particular story resonate for most men? Because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives. Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of... Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me. They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent. In this particular situation I think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON'T. And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE. In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things WORSE. In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run. All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away. It sucks. And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future... THE "INSTANT EWWW" I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others... So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say. Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself... with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...? Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"...? Yea, I have too. Well here's the deal: If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire. It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww". The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION. Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE. It's over. It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin. Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently. In short, she'll disappear. So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"? I got it from WOMEN. I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return. So what causes the Instant Ewww? And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels? Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning. But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable. You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them. In summary... You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her... Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you. Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION. I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more. On the other hand... If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you. Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl. In their minds, it goes like this: Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE. If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS: She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again... THE ANSWER There are really TWO answers to this problem. The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back. DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER. Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter... Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says "From your secret admirer". Don't call her three times a day. And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her. If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned on my website and in my book). As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN. Asking a woman if she's interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you. Really. The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that? One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered. One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING. And what's the best way to learn THAT skill? I thought you'd never ask... The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating. I've spent several years now studying the ways that men who are "naturals" communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women. And I'll tell you... it's not magic. You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young. And you don't have to be LUCKY. What you DO have to do is LEARN. It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants. But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all. In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation if you didn't know the SECRETS. I'm telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women. And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY. In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter. It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself). It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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I'd like to tell you a story... It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her. But there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage. There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue. But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him. After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt. He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...". This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long- term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt? He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings. And then the unthinkable happened. She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up... ...but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. THE END OK, I'm back. Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heart warming, huh? I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels... Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a MYTH. And I'm not talking about FICTION here. I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it. And why does this particular story resonate for most men? Because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives. Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of... Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me. They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent. In this particular situation I think there is a solution. And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON'T. And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE. In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things WORSE. In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run. All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away. It sucks. And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future... THE "INSTANT EWWW" I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others... So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say. Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself... with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...? Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"...? Yea, I have too. Well here's the deal: If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire. It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww". The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION. Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE. It's over. It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin. Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently. In short, she'll disappear. So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"? I got it from WOMEN. I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return. So what causes the Instant Ewww? And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels? Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning. But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable. You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them. In summary... You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her... Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you. Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION. I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more. On the other hand... If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you. Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl. In their minds, it goes like this: Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE. If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS: She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again... THE ANSWER There are really TWO answers to this problem. The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back. DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER. Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter... Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says "From your secret admirer". Don't call her three times a day. And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her. If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned on my website and in my book). As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN. Asking a woman if she's interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you. Really. The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that? One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered. One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING. And what's the best way to learn THAT skill? I thought you'd never ask... The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating. I've spent several years now studying the ways that men who are "naturals" communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women. And I'll tell you... it's not magic. You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young. And you don't have to be LUCKY. What you DO have to do is LEARN. It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants. But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all. In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation if you didn't know the SECRETS. I'm telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women. And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY. In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter. It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself). It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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why INTELLIGENT MEN fail with women
why INTELLIGENT MEN fail with women
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER
and OVER and OVER again...
...and it's really amazes me.
I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You know that you're a little different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.
And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T
OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.
(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success comes, it really starts
to become mentally difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of
smart guys running around this planet who don't
even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!
Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Information is the friend of a smart guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".
Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.
If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.
But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"
OK, let me ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".
2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up. Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But WHY?
These three options all seemed logical, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?
Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all kinds of crazy "logical" stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea to start studying guys who were "naturally" good with women.
Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.
I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with women... and learning how they "thought" about the topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept... because my logical brain just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those women become "little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER
and OVER and OVER again...
...and it's really amazes me.
I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You know that you're a little different than other guys.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.
And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T
OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.
(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success comes, it really starts
to become mentally difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Look around.
Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of
smart guys running around this planet who don't
even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!
Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Information is the friend of a smart guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".
Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
EXACTLY!
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.
If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.
But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"
OK, let me ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".
2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up. Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But WHY?
These three options all seemed logical, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
Right?
In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.
MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?
Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
Totally stopped.
FROZEN.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all kinds of crazy "logical" stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea to start studying guys who were "naturally" good with women.
Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.
I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with women... and learning how they "thought" about the topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept... because my logical brain just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those women become "little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...
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